Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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