dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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