Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
