I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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