Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
