They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
