I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
