Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
