Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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