I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
