so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
