so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
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I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
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Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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