I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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