i think my mom watched the whole time
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
