There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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