I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize