i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
