I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
