It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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