I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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