Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
