hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
