Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
