I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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