So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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