Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
