he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
