thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
