I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
