Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
