My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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