if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
