you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
