Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
