I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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