it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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