How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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