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dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
