Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
