On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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