did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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