we're chasing vodka with high fives
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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