You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
