And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Randomize
