I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
