yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
