p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
