hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
