I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
