I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
