if you like me you must not know who I am
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
