with your own penis?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
