Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I can't turn off my feet"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
