a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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