I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
