I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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