My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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