Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
