Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
