I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
