i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
