I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
