how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
