do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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