dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I fill condoms, not promises.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
