a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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