i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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